This is a picture of me.At least what I saw as me when I was lying on a bed in the country crying with such disconnect to this world.Sorry family, sorry friends, sorry world.
I was moments away from leaving this plane.
See, just a little hotel.. right beside a forest.
What a way to go..
Lie to everyone that you’re okay and fine and you’re just taking a break! “Don’t worry man, nothing to freak about ha..ha..ha chill..”
An actor in his finest form ?
Years ago, I cried the hardest I had ever cried.
And in the lowest of lows did I enter an epiphany I could have never sought coming.
The picture below is the closest I found to what I saw myself as from the edge of the atmosphere observing by the planet’s horizon.
This sizzling light, as it rapidly made its way around the world, was me.
What felt like hours were but a blink of moments.
A breath took me out of my body, out of the hotel. It placed me above all else on the edge of a world that keeps me alive.
I saw myself as myself and I felt a sense of completion, bliss, satisfaction, joy.
What I felt was god-like.
This is the story I repeat all the time.
If you follow my segments, I relive this Human Experience through many of my ‘Everything Life’ Tales.
It is the day I died and was born to become something else.
Life of a pheonix.
Nobody actually wants to die.
It’s a lack of education to existence that presses us to the edge of despair.
The rumble inside as we choose to cover up our suffering. I did it with having a billion friends and a lot of alcohol.
Lies we feed ourselves to why our lives are the way they are.
The cards in the hands we are dealt with.
All I cared about was finding that feeling again, a sign for what that moment had to mean.
For all the suffering I went through I found that glimpse, permanently.
It took a lot of heart ache and pain to get there.
A tonne of lessons and teachers.
Many more tears.
Physcial pain in the form of cluster headaches.
(Google the videos but viewer’s disgression.. it’s not pretty.)
Suicide of the Soul.
But what kept me going was this one belief I had:
“I had to experience all of it because one day, it’ll be gifted for someone else.”
Because one day, I would have to give it all back to someone in need. Maybe to more than just one ‘someone’.
Maybe I’m already doing it.
All I know is I’m built for this.
– Phoenix Origins
By Claudio Conte