I’m sitting in my backyard under the glow of the moonlight.
What I write, its graphic, it’s grim..
but it is served part fruit of a love that can be brought on so openly.
Tonight, it starts with a deep exploration of my current feelings..
something deep, very deep that chooses to stir within.
I then transfer that energy into written vocabulary,
infused with electricity that could ripple from a computerised platform
into the windows of a viewer’s curiosity.
I then enter into a flow-state.
To me, I’m floating through galaxies.
My mind stops questioning and I express unconditionally.
With no right or wrong, I type until it feels sound.
I love, I hurt, I feel.
I bury, I dig back up, I share.
I burden, I allow, I free.
I’m a man and a woman for I’m a human who explores without boundaries.
I pioneer the esoteric and the matter-iallistic.
Human psychology pushes me to enter realms that of the human spirit.
I fly with the stars as I create visions in fields, holding secrets to creation..
yet I ground with the one’s and zero’s of my mathematical existence.
It is a balance of ups and downs in a time that does not respond in the way that humans want to know.
And so.. here we go:
“I want to experience joy at it’s highest capacity.”
Says the nuetral human.
“Are you sure?”
Feels the unregistered force.
Replies the curious one.
In an instant, you flashed a hand layered in blood, my eyes widen as shock absorbs my being.
I know my unborn babies heartbeat beats no more.
You made me explore the patient waiting at death’s grips,
as I comfort my dying child on an unfamiliar bed looks of confusion filling their already withered eyes.
You scared me with trauma as some drunken driver kills my neighbour with one crash.. ending an ancestral lineage.
You broke my arm, my legs,
you made me sick I thought I to be dead.
You took my brothers,
my parents and theirs.
some suddenly but all scared and confusingly.
Even my unsuspecting pet killed by a drifter who couldn’t care less of what it meant to me.
You made me an estranged person,
emotionless and kidnapped by humans who had no emotional order..
only the abilities to physically penetrate harboring souls that suffered intently.
You showed me how harsh the weather could be when my whole life’s dedication
to building my ‘secure estate’.. you made me watch my home burn to the ground,
smashed by winds and by 50 feet waves, destined to drown.
You placed a gun in my hand and told me to shoot..
as reflections of myself lied mangled before me, nothing but feces, blood and sweat roamed the air..
“Don’t ask questions or you’ll make yourself mad and if you need to vomit do it away from the men.”
You let me suffer inside my head in a system that promised to look after me yet left me in shambles.
You made me feel hopeless enough to float on air as tension holds my neck into place.
Oozing across the surface.. before the water turns crimson and my vision departs me.
When I watch the bubbles escape me and the burning of salt water consume me.
And then as you pulled me into a blackened room..
you made me watch everyone I ever loved burn right ahead of me…
When I thought I couldn’t handle anymore you brought me back and I begged for an answer.
“No home, no money, no thing can ever give you the same level of humility..
then a human being who suffered enough to be left with nothing
but love and love that comes in so deepingly.”
“No hatred can last longer than a minute when penance to remembrance is served in every moment.”
I cry at how beautiful my life is, no words can ever hurt me again.
No choices can ever steer me in the lies of a ‘wrong direction’.
For I remember what it was to be hurt, to hurt..
and the joy that now resides inside me,
it does so without the need of pills, very much.. limitlessly.
The neutral human.
I look back up into that moonlight as I feel back into my body.. I blink once, than twice and I fall into sleep.
As the moon fuels me I dream-state until the sun comes up to kiss me.
It’s in this realm I’ll wait for that next expression, readily.
– The Depth of Darkness
By Claudio Conte