Weeks before my dad died he wanted me to have his 25th anniversary ring.
I felt honored by that gesture, but like anyone else I shrugged the idea of him dying.
I mean I knew he was ready to go.. and I believe chemo was the choice that could have taken him
without him having to wait for the unfamiliar naturally.
I had a conversation with my cousin who was able to meet my dad last year
and he said to her that as nice as it was it will be the last time he’d see her.
Now when I enter that moment in time somewhere on the quantum spectrum..
I can harvest his feelings of acceptance with innocence to the ignorance of those around him.
Yet they can be held with no blame on a topic that can only fruition and be truly experienced once in each personal world.
It’s in this space, of a final goodbye in a time,
there must be a magic that one’s purpose has been fully realised.. and it’s conjured in a moment.
Though our human struggle may be to resist it, something beyond us knows better.
I write this as I look out into these mountains, feeling, crying, smiling, expressing.
Ive anchored my release in a ring I carry around my neck that represent the gift of what my life has become now.
Though I may know a lot for someone who’s spent 28 years physically here,
I still don’t know anything.
Yet this is what I have come to learn about a topic majority struggle with..
In life, we try so hard to gain the acknowledgement we longed from our father’s,
our longing to be loved like the one we craved from our mother’s.
In death, if we work through it properly,
we harbor no more desire to be loved and have a limitless supply of loving others and ourselves..
Even when it isn’t reciprocated back to us, it is us who gives us our love – nobody else.
We should know, no matter what happens to us in this crazy yet exciting world, our home is inside of us.
In death, we seek no more desire for that acknowledgement and significance.
Because we know the humility which reality provides.
Whether if it’s through a mountain slide, or within the feeding of a small bug on a the tip of a flower,
there is nothing to compare, to question, to prove anymore.
We flow with this world and no matter how hard we try to preserve it the world is destined to die long after we’ve left it.
It too must experience the same cycle all living organisms experience.
To come full circle, inside a ring is knowing that all you can do is love unconditionally,
and all the acknowledgement you once sought for in the external, it is now within yourself in a multitude of moments.
Who you truly actually always were meant to be.
So focus on what is just, what is right morally to yourself, to others, to the world.
Nothing else will bring you satisfaction.
If the meaning of life is discovered through the teachings that come inside death,
than existence from beginning to ending was never a straight line..
but a circle forever ongoing, never ending.. than this, as the meaning of life, makes absolute sense.
– Circle of Life
By Claudio Conte